I like erotic hypnosis. I like the submissive side of things. I wanted my mind controlled and altered. EMCSA has been a very long time go to of mine. From the beginning my kink was with a sub hetero role to a dominant female. They can’t claim they aren’t getting what they want when they’re in control. I especially like the subversion and indirect influence stories. So for years I experimented with hypno doms, paying for some mp3s, cheating access to others. The mind truly is the most important sex organ. I’ve had the recurring thought that it’d be relatively nice to understand what the homosexual side feels and thinks. I wasn’t remotely attracted to Men and thought that Bi-sexuals were having quite the visual feast being attracted to both.
So along comes Mistress Surrender with a file called Delete Hetero-Install Sissy Sex. Hit me like a truck. It’d be one thing if I was always a deluded hetero and was always this flavor of homosexual. It might be the cummulative effect of all the other hypno sessions waiting for that one spark. Or if Mistress Surrender has that one terribly effective method that worked as though I’d been struck by a fork of lightning while standing next to a power transformer.
The selling point was a script that attempted to tackle the concept of gender socialisation. Silly me, its working.
At the minimum, my reflex revulsion to gay erotica is muted. Not even really there. Then I got into the rest of the sissification files and I really was blown away. Just the concept of being a gay sissy slut was kind of hot due to the treat of arousal from a new source. Add in now the tabboo of wearing the costume of the other gender and acting in the submissive role. Hot buttons being added on top of my prior ones, genius!
After a little more help from some PornHub sissy hypno files I found a new non erotic love of pictures of the women I’d lusted for. Goals! Points of immitation and the tactics of simple beauty issues I’d always poo poo’d as frivolity. Makeup isn’t just spackling the wall and throwing on rainbows and sunbursts. This is some real strategy and skill work! I may have been a bit harsh with thinking waiting a half hour for someone to ‘get ready’ was too much. In the extraordinarily unlikely event I was put on television, I wasn’t sure I could deal with makeup. Now I’m pretty sure I’d hog the beauticians time with questions like what my color is. How to experiment with makeup without busting my bank at Sephora. What my eye brow shape should be. None of the ladies I’d oggled before had wire bristle brows. Though they were pretty enough that it might have worked for a short bit until one thought to stare at more than their chest.
If this little adventure goes nowhere due to waking up, chickening out or something like that, it’ll still be worth it. The challenged assumptions and new observation goals at the least will keep me occupied. Observation and memory are like muscles, I’m told. One must flex them to grow them. Now that I’m noticing facial shape, shading or glow. Looking to the hair line or ears to discern just how morphing the effects of makeup can be. Its been like waking up and realizing, I’d been walking around with dulled senses. The ladies have been beautiful. But I’d never appreciated the effort.
But of course, someone called off at one of the worst possible times. Its tough being the White Knight sometimes. But if one isn’t leading by example, they’re just not leading.
Got news of the shooter in Orlando. Very sorry for the loss of so many. Little sad to say that it isn’t affecting me like I’ve heard from so many others. The interview with Lindsey Horvath leads me to conclude that such a thing can form. At least emotionally, it isn’t my community. Americans being attacked on our own soil, EXTREME DISPLEASURE!!! The fact its the LGBT community isn’t hitting me yet. Do homosexual people automatically take up a communal feeling about their identity? It doesn’t seem like it would. More that it would grow with contact and investment. But mine is brand new and I’m coming from a position of life long circumspection about any group. If not also the possiblity that its a mere installation until I’ve lived with it long enough.
The thought of making a sissy-gasm happen is quite distracting. So I’ve decided to go about making it happen. I found Sub-Shop.com having a sale. *Smiles* Its a sign from the gods it is! Or their way of clearing inventory. Can’t be sure at this point. Either way, I’m taking advantage. A few toys and a little lingerie to experiment with. Nothing too perverse. ?
I was browsing beginer makeup pages when a Pepsi commercial came on. The ladies drenched the guy with the cooler water and ice like He was the coach at a huge game. Then He took off his shirt and I felt my breath catch. This is new. That was actually pleasant.
Reading up more on Makeup. Love you WikiPedia. I may have to do a full curtsy in apology to the ladies I’d ignored due to makeup. As a group, you’ve had to put up with some real BS. Can’t argue with the results when done right though.
Giving some real thought to waxing as I can’t stand the idea of shaving again every other day. What to do about that Congolese rainforest I call my back…
I’m busy trying to work through a game when the urge takes me. I want to study the various body waxing kits and techniques. Ok, so here comes the pain train. I can do it right and have lots of pain, JOY! The site I read said 3/5 pain scale on the best of the kits. Or I can do it wrong and have lots of pain. Ingrown hairs, incomplete pulls and skin irritation. All those red bubbling pits of joy. I can’t wait! New word and concept of the day, Exfoliation. Scrubbing the skin and getting the dead stuff off. Gotcha. Apparently a mandatory in the after care of waxed areas. I got a big jar of Vaseline for the makeup I’ll wish to remove so as not to assault those I’m close to that just wouldn’t understand. Now I need to get a bottle of baby oil for the skin care. Between the clothing, personal upkeep and hygeine issues. Its a miracle the Ladies I’ve known had any time or money for movies, hiking or dinner. Never mind saving for the nigh inevitable ‘uh-oh’.
Well hey there caution! Meet wind! Just went on a bit of a shopping spree to get some of those beauty products I just don’t have the balls (hehe) to go into the store and procure face to face. Sure the costume party or I’m picking them up for my girlfriend story might hold, but I don’t trust myself to sell it. Hard waxing kit for the jungle, bras, panties, mascara and lipstick to start off with. I got nail strengthener and base coat for the baby step of ‘doing my nails’ without going to work or showing my family the pretty red shade I’m toying with. Not sure Mistress Surrender would like to market Herself with this, but I may finally have found a way to quit biting my nails. I’m pretty sure its a new thought, but I can’t help but think you ladies have been holding out on me. <.< We’ll see if I still feel that way when I’m halfway done with the waxing.
Got the measuring tape, not the cloth tape but the tool box metal measuring tape. Its what I have! I’m 45 just under the bust and 47 on the outter edge. Two sites offering bra fitting tools said there was no such size. This is going to make bra fitting, problematic. Then I had a friend that worked at Payless Shoes for a time and was telling me that ladies sizes are Men’s sizes plus two. Meaning I’m a size 12 ladies shoe. Really glad I have a mind for collecting meaningless trivia as asking the former employee about that now would never happen. The thought of going into Payless and trying on high heels is a bit nerve fraying. I’m hoping the more I think on it, the more brave I’ll get.
I do so despise needles and am hoping my fascination will wane before the whole dare to go public thing comes up. Hormones being the only thing likely to deal with my very manly muscle mass. Not likely considering that I’m averaging three Misstress Surrender sissy hypno mp3s a day. She’s just that good at putting me on slow boil thinking about the control She’s exhibiting and the cock I can service, while under Her control! The issue will be friends and family (and me) that are very religiously conservative. I’m on the dark side! All of a sudden, having a conservative lifestyle where I don’t pry and neither do they is a bonus! There’s my hypocrisy. We’ll see which lasts.
Just got my box of goodies from Sub-Shop! I should have known, but now I have proof. Lingerie is fragile. The one bit was too small and I ended up Hulking out of it. The garter belt though is a bit of a thrill. The stockings in the next shipment ought to be a blast to pair with it.
The cock cage with urethral tube. Maybe I’m too excited, excite easily or I just don’t go flacid enough while pushing and prodding. The small holes on the side are too small to assist in packing the meat into the tube. Made all the more uncomfortable by the steel urethra tube. I tried some water based lube and got exactly as far as I had before, in a tenth of the time. But by then I was developing some chafing issues on the edges. I’ll have to wait until I get my hands on some hosiery to butcher and try the nylon insertion method. Which will be all the more a feat due to the urethra tube I can’t get to unscrew.
The only bits to work as advertised with zero trouble were the 6.5 inch rubber dong with suction cup, and the ball gag. The ball gag was fortunate as the last notch on the fastening belt was where it actually fit without cutting into the side of my mouth. I can deep throat the dong without much trouble at all. Can’t wait to take it for a ride in the shower.
PSA: Keep your toys clean! Your health is most important and you deny yourself all that fun if you get yourself sick or ruin your goodies. Thankfully I’ve been in a position to choose phthalate free rubber and Silicon toys. Water and light anti-bacterial soap for the win!
– – – – – – – – –
Forget hetero sex. Forget being sexually attracted to women. I know you secretly fantasise about sissy sex with sexy men and their sexy cocks.
This hypnosis will delete your socialization of being heterosexual and install a new program to run in your subconscious mind: Sissy sex.